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Professional Postpartum Support for Today's New Parents
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Bits of wisdom for new parents bundled up in a blog!

No Apology Necessary

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On a recent episode of Real Housewives of New York, Bethenny Frankel was mom-shamed for leaving Luann de Lesseps’ cabaret show to go home and care for her daughter. At a speaking engagement, Bethenny stated unapologetically:

“I do watch my daughter sleep. I want to be home with her even though she’s sleeping. I don’t apologize. I am a single mom; this is who I am. I don’t care.”

She was being a PARENT! No apology necessary.

Let’s play a little game of “What we say vs What we mean to say”.

What we say:

I’m sorry, my baby’s diaper needs changed.

What we mean to say:

My baby’s diaper needs changed since they can’t fend for themselves and use the bathroom. Peeing and pooping are natural functions, and, well, my baby needed to go. I’m going to go be the good parent and take care of my baby’s basic need to be clean and dry and comfortable. Please excuse me.

What we say:

I’m sorry, my baby is making so much noise.

What we mean to say:

My baby is trying to tell me what their needs are right now by crying. Give me a second and I’ll figure it out….or not. Sometimes babies just cry. Let’s continue our conversation after I get my little sweet pea settled down.

What we say:

I’m sorry, my house is such a mess.

What we mean to say:

I’ve been up for three nights straight with a fussy, teething baby. My baby’s needs come first around here…..then mine….and then the house. Hey, at least the laundry is washed AND dried!

What we say:

I’m sorry, I need to go home.

What we mean to say:

My baby has a fever and needs me. The only way they’ll soothe is to breastfeed. And, well, the sitter just can’t accommodate THAT request. Raincheck?

What we say:

I’m sorry, I need to go to work today.

What we mean to say:

Have a good day sweet baby. I am going to work so we can have a place to live, food to eat, and clothes to wear. I’ll miss you while I’m at work, but I’ll come home all ready to have YOU time.

What we say:

I’m sorry.

What we mean to say:

I’m NOT sorry. I’m just doing my very important job of caring for my baby and nurturing the hell out of them.

Not sorry at all, actually.

~Sheryl Cooksley


Sheryl Cooksley is the mother of 4, fostered over 25 children and is “Nana” to 5 and has said “I’m sorry” far too many times in her parenting life. She is the owner of Family Tree Doula Services and a Postpartum & Infant Care Doula serving Portland, Oregon and the surrounding area. She can be reached here to schedule a no-cost consult to discuss your antepartum and postpartum support needs.